right here waiting. . .

14 01 2009

Yes, we didn’t have any major concerns except for now. Last December 15, 2008, Mhyco was ordered by his superiors in the company he applied for to go to the province where their training institute is located. I accompanied him there the next day and waited for him to finish what we’ve came for. He excitedly told me that he passed all the interviews and examinations and he’s in for the 3-month training in the same institute. Of course, I’m very happy for him and proud. Although I know that it will be the start of another episode in our relationship…

He was scheduled for the training on the 10th of January, 2009. The sad part is that he has to stay in there for the entire three months and communication between us would be very seldom. Trainees are not allowed to bring cellphones and other stuff which are not included in their official list of things to bring. Only those necessary uniforms and for personal hygiene are allowed. I asked the guards there before of the usual things that’s happening in the place. They said that visitors are only allowed after a month, just for nine hours in one day. They are not even permitted to go out in Sundays to use payphones to call their relatives. At first, I thought of it as unfair because they are the only company who’s very strict in their training course but I have no choice. I knew he had waited for such a long time for that rare opportunity to come. And now that he’s almost there, I don’t have the right to stop him. He had worked for it several months after he graduated and I know that he deserves it…

We spent the rest of the time together almost everyday before he left. I was the one who organized and fixed his things for the training and we’ll never avoid sentimental moments as the time was fast approaching. I wanted to accompany him to the institute but he wouldn’t let me at first. He said he doesn’t like those kind of moments. But I managed to make him agree since I was very insistent. Before we parted ways, we went first to a mall nearby and entertained ourselves in  a game arcade. To tell you the truth, I almost forget about us being away from each other for three months without communication. I wished the time stopped there. But we have to face the reality. I was so depressed the very moment I got up the bus home and him walked towards the institute….

Now, it’s only been 5 days after he left. It’s like a month for me. Being with someone you only wished to be with as always for the rest of your life is out of your sight and you do not even know what’s happening to him. He never slipped out of my mind. I’m missing him so much. I realized how luckier I am than he is right now because I’m able to watch our videos together in my mp5 and hear his voice on his recordings. But him? He only has the photo album with plenty of our pictures together which I personally made myself as what he requested me to do. I remember he used to remind me about it from time to time that he forgets other things he needed to bring but never the pictures. He explained to me why and I fully understood it. It’s because since they are not allowed to bring phones to communicate or other devices to entertain themselves, the only thing that he could do is to look at our pictures while reminiscing our sweet moments together. I am so worried how bad he feels of the torturing training and longing for love and care. But as what he said in his message before he left, <he recorded it in my mp5 the night before he left), even though we’ll not see each other for a long time and have no communication, I have to be strong as what he’ll do, it doesn’t matter as long as what we feel for each other will never fade. His recording made me cry harder than ever. I know I have to be used to this kind of situation because after his training, a year of on-the-job-training overseas will follow so we’ll be apart again longer than the first time. Well, as what he said and promised, as long as the true love is there, distance and time won’t matter. I miss you so much, sweetheart!!! Take care always and Godbless!!! I’m just right here waiting for you… I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!

a decision made. . .

13 01 2009

On the 12th of August, 2007, the group had a dance rehearsal in Mhyco’s place. That was also my ‘brother’ Echo’s birthday. Well, as time passed by they became very open to me even if they are all guys. It feels so good that they share their problems with me and ask for advices. Guys are not usually like that. They seldom express their dark side, right? Echo is not that feeling well that day because he wanted Charmagne to be with him in his special day, unfortunately, she can’t make it. I let them hold their simple celebration but I did not drink. Ashley played his theme song with Hazel, Bert and their friend Josh are chatting even if they are drunk, Echo was almost asleep because of his longing  for Charmagne and Mhyco accompanied me sharing stories of our past relationships. One thing is just common with them: they were all drunk that time and we’re already on the rooftop. I don’t know if they’re all asleep except for the two of us. I was just sitting on a chair admiring the very nice view of the city. I stand up to take a better look of the scene and we continued talking to each other until we jumped into ‘our’ relationship. What do we really have between us? Why do we feel that way even though we have our own lovelives? I felt him embraced me from behind. I told him I’m confused with what I feel for him and if it will continuously grow, I don’t know how to hold it back anymore. He told me he also was confused with what’s happening between us. I said I think we better distance from each other to avoid it as well as to prevent hurting others. He refused to my idea and said that we’ll only end up hurting ourselves. I asked him what he really feels for me and he answered that all he’s sure of is that he wanted to be with me always and that he’s very happy when I’m around. Then he asked me and I couldn’t answer but cry saying that he’s so insensitive not to feel that. I think he wanted to hear it straight from me. He hugged me tighter. I gathered the guts to tell him directly that I like him. He told me he felt the same and actually made me realized that he’s courting me at the same time like Jobel, he just did not formally asked my permission. After that, he comforted me to stop me from crying not knowing the others were secretly watching us. They started teasing us. From that day on, we decided to give our feeilings a try. Yes, even if we’re involved in different relationships we couldn’t help but feel special for each other. My boyfriend that time stopped communicating with me. I don’t know what’s his problem. He is longing for the care of his long distance girlfriend and fall for me because according to him, I’m different when it comes to taking care of the one I love. I formally answered him on the 12th of August, 2007 at 6:05pm, Sunday, as we watched the sunset from their terrace. Afterwards, the others and I decided to go home. Before Bert parted ways from us, he secretly warned me to be ready of the consequences of what we’ve done and told me that he just don’t want to see me hurt but still said that whatever happens, he’s there to support us. Mhyco and I know that the news will hit big in school if it explodes. And so we better be ready. The next day in school, we came together. Mhyco announced to his classmates that I already answered him and we a lot of congratulations. Good thing Jobel is not there. I know he’ll be hurt. But the next days came, we knew that he heard about it ’cause he’s avoiding us. I can’t blame him. I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t want to lie to him as well. Looking forward, I thought everything with Mhyco will be ordinary… but I was wrong…

new start. . .

13 01 2009

I decided to finally move on from the pain that I’m feeling again. I now spent a lot of time with my friends and usually ignore suitors. Of course, I don’t want to feel the same bad feeling over and over again. Be hurt? Awww, never again. But I know for a fact that a relationship never lasts without pain and sacrifices. Alright, enough of that. So my story continues with spending a lot of bonding time with lots of friends. After all, true friends are always there for you but lovers are not. Haha!!! I really have lots of friends on the MarE Dept. Almost all of them I know. Bert and I met each other in one of the parties I’ve attended with friends. Well, he’s also my schoolmate and we became good friends. One afternoon in school, Maics ask me to accompany her to the library to get something. She told me we go to the library which is usually used by engineering students especially marines. There I spotted Bert  with his pals on one table. I decided to approach them so I told Maics that I’ll wait for her there. And so when I went to them, Bert introduced me to his friends: Ashley <he’s a guy huh!), Echo, and Mhyco. I’ve later known that they are the hottest group of marines in school. Why? All of them are good in dancing, Ashley is one of the students on the higher rank, Echo is an officer of the Marine Corps Commanders and Mhyco is famous for being the best dancer in their Department. So, do you agree with me? Bert asked for my number and I gave it to him. We became very, very good friends. We hang out almost everyday. They made me realize that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy as always which is an idea that I almost forget about. Did I mention that I’m more comfortable with my guy friends than gals? That’s true! My girl friends even feel jealous because of them. Well, what can I do? Girls usually talk either how sweet guys are or how rude they treat them. While guys talk about ‘real’ things. Real.. I mean, life… What we do everyday, assignments, experiences, problems and funny things that happened to us. Everything that we can share to others. I so enjoyed those times.

On the other hand, one of their classmates was seriously courting me. Jobel is nice, a co-officer of Echo, a gentleman and he’s kinda cute, really, but we seldom talk when where together which made me think that if we’ll be a pair, it’s not gonna work out. The thing is, as time passes, I became closer to Mhyco. He’s cute of course. And one of the things that I like about him is that he acts natural around everybody. He’s fun to be with and I don’t feel shy when I’m with him. I feel very comfortable. One night, after classes, Joamy and I headed to the final auditions for the most prestige dance group in our school. Luckily, we passed so we’re very overwhelmed and went to our friends who are drinking that time in one of our favorite hang-out. Of course our friends were so proud of us and for celebration, they ordered more drinks and shared it with us. I am so tired that day so just a few shots and I already felt dizzy. Mhyco offered a seat beside him so when I think I have to take a little rest, I have no choice but to lean on him. Even though I know that Jobel is there, I think he’s still don’t have the guts to be always around me to take care. All of us knew that he’s so jealous when he saw us. I don’t know what’s gotten into me actually. To make a long story short, I still have a boyfriend that time but thought that we’re already off since he’s not communicating with me anymore. The issue of Jobel courting me is like a showbiz much-awaited report for the MarE Dept. Mhyco also has a girlfriend that time and I really don’t have an idea of what kind of relationship they have.

The question was, why do we feel the same way for each other? I know it’s wrong but I felt like I can tell him what I feel inside me. Going back to the drinking session, I decided to go outside for a while to take a breathe of fresh air. The group followed me. In a court near by, I called Mhyco and chat with him for a while. I told him what I really feel about what’s happening that time and he asked me why I was telling him all of those but I just answered him I feel that I can trust him. The next day on my way to school, I received a message from an anonymous texter. I asked who he was and he introduced himself right away. I learned that it was Mhyco and he was asking how do I do after that night. I told him what happened when Echo and I went home together. Echo was drunk and he vomitted inside the jeepney exactly when I was about to alight so I have no choice but to asked him to come with me. He continuously throw out and when I think he’s already feeling better, I let him go home. I then wondered how he got my number and asked him. He confessed that when Bert asked for my number at the library, it was their idea and said they’d used his phone. He asked me if it’s fine. Well, I had no choice and I think that will be just fine. We became textmates as well ’cause of that. But at the peak of our closeness, many rumors spreaded. Some said that it’s not good that I’m closer to him knowing that Jobel is courting me and that Mhyco has a girlfriend. I pondered on my options that week. I know that I feel for Mhyco but I don’t want to hurt Jobel. I had different decisions everyday. Sometimes I decided to just answer Jobel even if I know I can only offer him friendship. Then I also thought of continuing my growing feelings for Mhyco since I know for fact that he also likes me. But finally before a new school week begins, I’ve made up my mind that I’m just gonna distance myself from the two of them so that I’ll be avoiding any improvement in our feelings and I’ll not destroy their friendship. But still, the opposite of that happened. I don’t want to boast but I just wanna tell you what happened next. It’s like their competing for my attention. They are waiting for me every other day to fetch me home. I’m so flattered, haha! That situation continued for quite some time until the day we’ve been waiting for finally took place…

experience pain. . .

12 01 2009

In college, my lovelife was different. If I seldom had suitors before, I then had more of them that time. They came from different departments. There were some from the Engineering departments, others were from Architecture but most of them came from the Marine Dept. I don’t know why but marines have different impact on me so they were the ones I usually entertain. I want this part of my story to be as brief as possible so I’m gonna summarize this the best as I can.

I had my first boyfriend in the second semester of my first year in college. Benedict was courting the same time as J.A. was. J.A. was CoE student and Benedict was in MarE and I liked the latter more. I always think marines have unique appeal to me. I answered him in November and I was happy then to have my first boyfriend but I think I did poor. I mean, I don’t know how to be a ‘good’ girlfriend. I seldom text him. I didn’t even notice that he’s always waiting for me after classes and I don’t approach him if I see him. You think that’s good? Of course not! Our relationship did not work out. Until I caught him having another girl and we decided to separate. My second relationship was then in February, 2007. It was Valentine’s day when I answered J.R. who is one of my friends from a huge group of marine students. I know we feel true for each other but still it didn’t worked out so we broke up a week before our first monthsary. But I became closer to the group. We still hang out together and organized huge bonding events. The third one was in April of the same year, Roz courted me and I think I answered him just a week later but since that was vacation and not serious to look, we didn’t last as well. I was so hurt from the consecutive failures of my past relationships so I decided to take a rest. I told myself I was doing fine before all those guys came to my life so I think I still can do without them. Even if Roz and I didn’t have communication anymore, we didn’t have a clean and formal break-up so I considered I’m still committed to him ’cause the last time I’m with him I’m sure we’re okay…