right here waiting. . .

14 01 2009

Yes, we didn’t have any major concerns except for now. Last December 15, 2008, Mhyco was ordered by his superiors in the company he applied for to go to the province where their training institute is located. I accompanied him there the next day and waited for him to finish what we’ve came for. He excitedly told me that he passed all the interviews and examinations and he’s in for the 3-month training in the same institute. Of course, I’m very happy for him and proud. Although I know that it will be the start of another episode in our relationship…

He was scheduled for the training on the 10th of January, 2009. The sad part is that he has to stay in there for the entire three months and communication between us would be very seldom. Trainees are not allowed to bring cellphones and other stuff which are not included in their official list of things to bring. Only those necessary uniforms and for personal hygiene are allowed. I asked the guards there before of the usual things that’s happening in the place. They said that visitors are only allowed after a month, just for nine hours in one day. They are not even permitted to go out in Sundays to use payphones to call their relatives. At first, I thought of it as unfair because they are the only company who’s very strict in their training course but I have no choice. I knew he had waited for such a long time for that rare opportunity to come. And now that he’s almost there, I don’t have the right to stop him. He had worked for it several months after he graduated and I know that he deserves it…

We spent the rest of the time together almost everyday before he left. I was the one who organized and fixed his things for the training and we’ll never avoid sentimental moments as the time was fast approaching. I wanted to accompany him to the institute but he wouldn’t let me at first. He said he doesn’t like those kind of moments. But I managed to make him agree since I was very insistent. Before we parted ways, we went first to a mall nearby and entertained ourselves in  a game arcade. To tell you the truth, I almost forget about us being away from each other for three months without communication. I wished the time stopped there. But we have to face the reality. I was so depressed the very moment I got up the bus home and him walked towards the institute….

Now, it’s only been 5 days after he left. It’s like a month for me. Being with someone you only wished to be with as always for the rest of your life is out of your sight and you do not even know what’s happening to him. He never slipped out of my mind. I’m missing him so much. I realized how luckier I am than he is right now because I’m able to watch our videos together in my mp5 and hear his voice on his recordings. But him? He only has the photo album with plenty of our pictures together which I personally made myself as what he requested me to do. I remember he used to remind me about it from time to time that he forgets other things he needed to bring but never the pictures. He explained to me why and I fully understood it. It’s because since they are not allowed to bring phones to communicate or other devices to entertain themselves, the only thing that he could do is to look at our pictures while reminiscing our sweet moments together. I am so worried how bad he feels of the torturing training and longing for love and care. But as what he said in his message before he left, <he recorded it in my mp5 the night before he left), even though we’ll not see each other for a long time and have no communication, I have to be strong as what he’ll do, it doesn’t matter as long as what we feel for each other will never fade. His recording made me cry harder than ever. I know I have to be used to this kind of situation because after his training, a year of on-the-job-training overseas will follow so we’ll be apart again longer than the first time. Well, as what he said and promised, as long as the true love is there, distance and time won’t matter. I miss you so much, sweetheart!!! Take care always and Godbless!!! I’m just right here waiting for you… I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!

a decision made. . .

13 01 2009

On the 12th of August, 2007, the group had a dance rehearsal in Mhyco’s place. That was also my ‘brother’ Echo’s birthday. Well, as time passed by they became very open to me even if they are all guys. It feels so good that they share their problems with me and ask for advices. Guys are not usually like that. They seldom express their dark side, right? Echo is not that feeling well that day because he wanted Charmagne to be with him in his special day, unfortunately, she can’t make it. I let them hold their simple celebration but I did not drink. Ashley played his theme song with Hazel, Bert and their friend Josh are chatting even if they are drunk, Echo was almost asleep because of his longing  for Charmagne and Mhyco accompanied me sharing stories of our past relationships. One thing is just common with them: they were all drunk that time and we’re already on the rooftop. I don’t know if they’re all asleep except for the two of us. I was just sitting on a chair admiring the very nice view of the city. I stand up to take a better look of the scene and we continued talking to each other until we jumped into ‘our’ relationship. What do we really have between us? Why do we feel that way even though we have our own lovelives? I felt him embraced me from behind. I told him I’m confused with what I feel for him and if it will continuously grow, I don’t know how to hold it back anymore. He told me he also was confused with what’s happening between us. I said I think we better distance from each other to avoid it as well as to prevent hurting others. He refused to my idea and said that we’ll only end up hurting ourselves. I asked him what he really feels for me and he answered that all he’s sure of is that he wanted to be with me always and that he’s very happy when I’m around. Then he asked me and I couldn’t answer but cry saying that he’s so insensitive not to feel that. I think he wanted to hear it straight from me. He hugged me tighter. I gathered the guts to tell him directly that I like him. He told me he felt the same and actually made me realized that he’s courting me at the same time like Jobel, he just did not formally asked my permission. After that, he comforted me to stop me from crying not knowing the others were secretly watching us. They started teasing us. From that day on, we decided to give our feeilings a try. Yes, even if we’re involved in different relationships we couldn’t help but feel special for each other. My boyfriend that time stopped communicating with me. I don’t know what’s his problem. He is longing for the care of his long distance girlfriend and fall for me because according to him, I’m different when it comes to taking care of the one I love. I formally answered him on the 12th of August, 2007 at 6:05pm, Sunday, as we watched the sunset from their terrace. Afterwards, the others and I decided to go home. Before Bert parted ways from us, he secretly warned me to be ready of the consequences of what we’ve done and told me that he just don’t want to see me hurt but still said that whatever happens, he’s there to support us. Mhyco and I know that the news will hit big in school if it explodes. And so we better be ready. The next day in school, we came together. Mhyco announced to his classmates that I already answered him and we a lot of congratulations. Good thing Jobel is not there. I know he’ll be hurt. But the next days came, we knew that he heard about it ’cause he’s avoiding us. I can’t blame him. I don’t want to hurt him but I don’t want to lie to him as well. Looking forward, I thought everything with Mhyco will be ordinary… but I was wrong…

experience pain. . .

12 01 2009

In college, my lovelife was different. If I seldom had suitors before, I then had more of them that time. They came from different departments. There were some from the Engineering departments, others were from Architecture but most of them came from the Marine Dept. I don’t know why but marines have different impact on me so they were the ones I usually entertain. I want this part of my story to be as brief as possible so I’m gonna summarize this the best as I can.

I had my first boyfriend in the second semester of my first year in college. Benedict was courting the same time as J.A. was. J.A. was CoE student and Benedict was in MarE and I liked the latter more. I always think marines have unique appeal to me. I answered him in November and I was happy then to have my first boyfriend but I think I did poor. I mean, I don’t know how to be a ‘good’ girlfriend. I seldom text him. I didn’t even notice that he’s always waiting for me after classes and I don’t approach him if I see him. You think that’s good? Of course not! Our relationship did not work out. Until I caught him having another girl and we decided to separate. My second relationship was then in February, 2007. It was Valentine’s day when I answered J.R. who is one of my friends from a huge group of marine students. I know we feel true for each other but still it didn’t worked out so we broke up a week before our first monthsary. But I became closer to the group. We still hang out together and organized huge bonding events. The third one was in April of the same year, Roz courted me and I think I answered him just a week later but since that was vacation and not serious to look, we didn’t last as well. I was so hurt from the consecutive failures of my past relationships so I decided to take a rest. I told myself I was doing fine before all those guys came to my life so I think I still can do without them. Even if Roz and I didn’t have communication anymore, we didn’t have a clean and formal break-up so I considered I’m still committed to him ’cause the last time I’m with him I’m sure we’re okay…


6 01 2009

They say love comes at the right time.,. But when do we say that it’s the right time? How do we know if he’s the right person to love and to be with for the rest of your life?

When I was in my adolescent stage, I seldom think about love or even liking someone. I don’t even had a crush on anyone in school but like other girls, I fantasize my idols in my favorite boybands. Typical doing of a 12-year-old girl, right? But there’s this time that when I was in grade three, Icho, one of my male classmates courted me. I was feeling aloof from boys in that age of mine so I just ignored him even though I really see his efforts I mean his friends’ efforts, is that right? To be honest, that situation took a long time before he gave up. Haha, no hope. Oh no, it’s not because I don’ like him, <well, I don’t wanna lie but I really don’t like him… ^_^). It’s because I’m so serious into my studies that I barely appreciate those kinds of things. After that time, I was never courted again by a guy until I reached my fourth year, <well, I don’t think I’m ugly, haha!!).

Then this next guy I think is the most polite respectful of all guys that came into my life until now <not to mention the richest… =p). Edward is so gentle and I like his attitudes, well, almost. He used to give me many surprises which I think he knows I love surprises. For instance, he was unable to attend my 16th bday celebration because his classes were continuous until night. But he came to our house the day after with lots of food like it’s another party for my bday. Also, he made sure I enjoyed our first date. We watch movie at the cinema, played in the arcade, ate a lot, he was the one who taught me how to play billiards as well, and even bought me gift before we go home. Perfect, right? At Valentine’s Day, he gave me a big stuffed toy and invited me to watch a romantic movie that time. In Christmas, he wanted to surprised me when he went to our house, sadly I was out with my sisters and only mom was home. I came home but he wasn’t there already but what was the surprised? He left me a huge teddy bear which is about half my size that made it so cuddly. And there’s also this day that he asked me out to eat. I was wondering when he gave me a small cheese muffin and he’s so insistent for me to eat it. I told him I’m still full and asked him to eat it instead. But he’s kind of trying it hard for me and begging me to even just give it one bite. I’m so shy that I didn’t agree. So, he gave it a bite up to the middle of the bread to my astonishment that there was a silver ring inside it. Just then I realized the idea. So sweet of him, right? Sadly, I lost it when we were once at a mall not sure where I had left it, <actually, the ring did not any of my fingers). But right before we graduated in high school, he again gave me another ring, he said it was a replacement for the one I had lost, <sorry… =’c). So, with a guy like that, wouldn’t you feel his true feelings for you? He respects you for who you are and attentively listens to you everytime you talk. I almost fall in love with him within more than a year that he’s courting me. Yes, almost…

Why? This was what had happened… We enrolled in college in diferent schools. Nope, it’s not the distance that matter for he still faithfully courted me. The thing is that he started acting like he owns me. I became annoyed of his attitude. I’m not sure f it sort of being overprotective but I think it’s not. He wanted me to tell him every detail that’s happening to me. I mean, hello? I think I deserve my privacy. I don’t feel being respected anymore. And because of that, my feelings for him started to fade away. Until the day I confessed to him about what I think what we have that time and find for words to tell him to stop his feeling grow more for me without him being hurt. Right. Of course, nobody’s not gonna feel hurt for that. I know he felt the pain but me as well. And I think that would be fair if I let him go and not keep him hoping that we’ll end up together. I know it’s not right but I pity him that time I saw his face and telling me to give him another chance and he’ll wait for me no matter how long it takes for me to make a decision. At first, I thought what I did was a mistake. Later then I realized I’ve made the right decision. For him to feel free and unobliged of taking care of me. But no worries, we remained friends….