here i go again…

19 01 2009

i admit i really expected a call from him yesterday… i really wanted to know how he is doing right now… i wanted to hear how much he loves me and how much he cares for me… i wanted to see him… i’m missing him badly… everytime that i’m alone i’m always crying ’cause of the pain that i’m feeling… i asked for a sign before… if he’s not gonna call me this Sunday, the next time that i’m gonna wait for his call is on mid-February… i hope he calls ’cause if not, we’ll just be able to see and talk to each other on mid-April when he comes back… <OMG!!! that’s for 3 months that i’m gonna bear which is driving me crazy… 😦





right here waiting. . .

14 01 2009

Yes, we didn’t have any major concerns except for now. Last December 15, 2008, Mhyco was ordered by his superiors in the company he applied for to go to the province where their training institute is located. I accompanied him there the next day and waited for him to finish what we’ve came for. He excitedly told me that he passed all the interviews and examinations and he’s in for the 3-month training in the same institute. Of course, I’m very happy for him and proud. Although I know that it will be the start of another episode in our relationship…

He was scheduled for the training on the 10th of January, 2009. The sad part is that he has to stay in there for the entire three months and communication between us would be very seldom. Trainees are not allowed to bring cellphones and other stuff which are not included in their official list of things to bring. Only those necessary uniforms and for personal hygiene are allowed. I asked the guards there before of the usual things that’s happening in the place. They said that visitors are only allowed after a month, just for nine hours in one day. They are not even permitted to go out in Sundays to use payphones to call their relatives. At first, I thought of it as unfair because they are the only company who’s very strict in their training course but I have no choice. I knew he had waited for such a long time for that rare opportunity to come. And now that he’s almost there, I don’t have the right to stop him. He had worked for it several months after he graduated and I know that he deserves it…

We spent the rest of the time together almost everyday before he left. I was the one who organized and fixed his things for the training and we’ll never avoid sentimental moments as the time was fast approaching. I wanted to accompany him to the institute but he wouldn’t let me at first. He said he doesn’t like those kind of moments. But I managed to make him agree since I was very insistent. Before we parted ways, we went first to a mall nearby and entertained ourselves in  a game arcade. To tell you the truth, I almost forget about us being away from each other for three months without communication. I wished the time stopped there. But we have to face the reality. I was so depressed the very moment I got up the bus home and him walked towards the institute….

Now, it’s only been 5 days after he left. It’s like a month for me. Being with someone you only wished to be with as always for the rest of your life is out of your sight and you do not even know what’s happening to him. He never slipped out of my mind. I’m missing him so much. I realized how luckier I am than he is right now because I’m able to watch our videos together in my mp5 and hear his voice on his recordings. But him? He only has the photo album with plenty of our pictures together which I personally made myself as what he requested me to do. I remember he used to remind me about it from time to time that he forgets other things he needed to bring but never the pictures. He explained to me why and I fully understood it. It’s because since they are not allowed to bring phones to communicate or other devices to entertain themselves, the only thing that he could do is to look at our pictures while reminiscing our sweet moments together. I am so worried how bad he feels of the torturing training and longing for love and care. But as what he said in his message before he left, <he recorded it in my mp5 the night before he left), even though we’ll not see each other for a long time and have no communication, I have to be strong as what he’ll do, it doesn’t matter as long as what we feel for each other will never fade. His recording made me cry harder than ever. I know I have to be used to this kind of situation because after his training, a year of on-the-job-training overseas will follow so we’ll be apart again longer than the first time. Well, as what he said and promised, as long as the true love is there, distance and time won’t matter. I miss you so much, sweetheart!!! Take care always and Godbless!!! I’m just right here waiting for you… I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!!





Loyalty. . .

13 01 2009

On the first month of our new relationship, I thought everything’s fine. He told me that he already broke-up with his other girl and I believed in him. He promised me that he’ll not answer texts or calls from her. One day, Bert approached me and said that he wanted to tell me something important. We talked to each other and I learned from him that when I’m not around, Mhyco is still texting Mary and answering her calls. He always hear their conversation so sweet and it’s like Mary has no idea about us. And there’s this one week that I knew they were reunited and Mhyco was keeping it from me. He had no idea that I know what he’s doing on me. I tried to seem innocent about the matter and continued dealing with him keeping the feeling of the pain as best as I can so that he’ll not notice. Until I decided to confront him about it on the weekends and I confirmed it. He confessed what he had done and I don’t want to decide immediately to end our story. He told me that he’s waiting for the right time to tell Mary about us because he pity her. He said he don’t love her anymore but couldn’t resist her just because of pity. I don’t know but I still believed in him. On the second month, I think it got worst. I know he still receives her texts and calls and lies to me just to answer but I just let that situation go on hoping that one day he’ll realize that he’s doing too much. Mary finally found about us and she can’t accept it. She asked Mhyco if he wanted to come back to her if she forgives him but Mhyco seemed like didn’t like the idea. Actually they really broke-up before that second one but since Mhyco decided to part ways with her, she never let us have peace. She always call me and shout at me and throw profane languages on me. But I kept calm until she begged me to let Mhyco go and give him back to her. I don’t know what Mhyco really felt about that but all he wanted was to let Mary and I talk: one thing that I was so irritated about him. He didn’t had a decision for the problem. I was about to give up that time because I think I’ll really have to take a rest on this aspect and I grew tired of feeling hurt. Still, I gave it one last chance. If still in this one, nothing’s gonna change, I know what I’d have to do.

Mhyco asked me to be brave and apologized for everything that happened. We practiced being patient and understanding with each other. Although there were still times that we’re being haunted by the past, we obtain to be consistent. I wanted to be honest and say that at that time, I find it hard to trust him again. And to confess, it really took a long time before before I was able to believe in him again and give him my trust. And so our relationship went on smoothly and thought this will last. But then again, it’s too early to judge…





new start. . .

13 01 2009

I decided to finally move on from the pain that I’m feeling again. I now spent a lot of time with my friends and usually ignore suitors. Of course, I don’t want to feel the same bad feeling over and over again. Be hurt? Awww, never again. But I know for a fact that a relationship never lasts without pain and sacrifices. Alright, enough of that. So my story continues with spending a lot of bonding time with lots of friends. After all, true friends are always there for you but lovers are not. Haha!!! I really have lots of friends on the MarE Dept. Almost all of them I know. Bert and I met each other in one of the parties I’ve attended with friends. Well, he’s also my schoolmate and we became good friends. One afternoon in school, Maics ask me to accompany her to the library to get something. She told me we go to the library which is usually used by engineering students especially marines. There I spotted Bert  with his pals on one table. I decided to approach them so I told Maics that I’ll wait for her there. And so when I went to them, Bert introduced me to his friends: Ashley <he’s a guy huh!), Echo, and Mhyco. I’ve later known that they are the hottest group of marines in school. Why? All of them are good in dancing, Ashley is one of the students on the higher rank, Echo is an officer of the Marine Corps Commanders and Mhyco is famous for being the best dancer in their Department. So, do you agree with me? Bert asked for my number and I gave it to him. We became very, very good friends. We hang out almost everyday. They made me realize that I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy as always which is an idea that I almost forget about. Did I mention that I’m more comfortable with my guy friends than gals? That’s true! My girl friends even feel jealous because of them. Well, what can I do? Girls usually talk either how sweet guys are or how rude they treat them. While guys talk about ‘real’ things. Real.. I mean, life… What we do everyday, assignments, experiences, problems and funny things that happened to us. Everything that we can share to others. I so enjoyed those times.

On the other hand, one of their classmates was seriously courting me. Jobel is nice, a co-officer of Echo, a gentleman and he’s kinda cute, really, but we seldom talk when where together which made me think that if we’ll be a pair, it’s not gonna work out. The thing is, as time passes, I became closer to Mhyco. He’s cute of course. And one of the things that I like about him is that he acts natural around everybody. He’s fun to be with and I don’t feel shy when I’m with him. I feel very comfortable. One night, after classes, Joamy and I headed to the final auditions for the most prestige dance group in our school. Luckily, we passed so we’re very overwhelmed and went to our friends who are drinking that time in one of our favorite hang-out. Of course our friends were so proud of us and for celebration, they ordered more drinks and shared it with us. I am so tired that day so just a few shots and I already felt dizzy. Mhyco offered a seat beside him so when I think I have to take a little rest, I have no choice but to lean on him. Even though I know that Jobel is there, I think he’s still don’t have the guts to be always around me to take care. All of us knew that he’s so jealous when he saw us. I don’t know what’s gotten into me actually. To make a long story short, I still have a boyfriend that time but thought that we’re already off since he’s not communicating with me anymore. The issue of Jobel courting me is like a showbiz much-awaited report for the MarE Dept. Mhyco also has a girlfriend that time and I really don’t have an idea of what kind of relationship they have.

The question was, why do we feel the same way for each other? I know it’s wrong but I felt like I can tell him what I feel inside me. Going back to the drinking session, I decided to go outside for a while to take a breathe of fresh air. The group followed me. In a court near by, I called Mhyco and chat with him for a while. I told him what I really feel about what’s happening that time and he asked me why I was telling him all of those but I just answered him I feel that I can trust him. The next day on my way to school, I received a message from an anonymous texter. I asked who he was and he introduced himself right away. I learned that it was Mhyco and he was asking how do I do after that night. I told him what happened when Echo and I went home together. Echo was drunk and he vomitted inside the jeepney exactly when I was about to alight so I have no choice but to asked him to come with me. He continuously throw out and when I think he’s already feeling better, I let him go home. I then wondered how he got my number and asked him. He confessed that when Bert asked for my number at the library, it was their idea and said they’d used his phone. He asked me if it’s fine. Well, I had no choice and I think that will be just fine. We became textmates as well ’cause of that. But at the peak of our closeness, many rumors spreaded. Some said that it’s not good that I’m closer to him knowing that Jobel is courting me and that Mhyco has a girlfriend. I pondered on my options that week. I know that I feel for Mhyco but I don’t want to hurt Jobel. I had different decisions everyday. Sometimes I decided to just answer Jobel even if I know I can only offer him friendship. Then I also thought of continuing my growing feelings for Mhyco since I know for fact that he also likes me. But finally before a new school week begins, I’ve made up my mind that I’m just gonna distance myself from the two of them so that I’ll be avoiding any improvement in our feelings and I’ll not destroy their friendship. But still, the opposite of that happened. I don’t want to boast but I just wanna tell you what happened next. It’s like their competing for my attention. They are waiting for me every other day to fetch me home. I’m so flattered, haha! That situation continued for quite some time until the day we’ve been waiting for finally took place…





experience pain. . .

12 01 2009

In college, my lovelife was different. If I seldom had suitors before, I then had more of them that time. They came from different departments. There were some from the Engineering departments, others were from Architecture but most of them came from the Marine Dept. I don’t know why but marines have different impact on me so they were the ones I usually entertain. I want this part of my story to be as brief as possible so I’m gonna summarize this the best as I can.

I had my first boyfriend in the second semester of my first year in college. Benedict was courting the same time as J.A. was. J.A. was CoE student and Benedict was in MarE and I liked the latter more. I always think marines have unique appeal to me. I answered him in November and I was happy then to have my first boyfriend but I think I did poor. I mean, I don’t know how to be a ‘good’ girlfriend. I seldom text him. I didn’t even notice that he’s always waiting for me after classes and I don’t approach him if I see him. You think that’s good? Of course not! Our relationship did not work out. Until I caught him having another girl and we decided to separate. My second relationship was then in February, 2007. It was Valentine’s day when I answered J.R. who is one of my friends from a huge group of marine students. I know we feel true for each other but still it didn’t worked out so we broke up a week before our first monthsary. But I became closer to the group. We still hang out together and organized huge bonding events. The third one was in April of the same year, Roz courted me and I think I answered him just a week later but since that was vacation and not serious to look, we didn’t last as well. I was so hurt from the consecutive failures of my past relationships so I decided to take a rest. I told myself I was doing fine before all those guys came to my life so I think I still can do without them. Even if Roz and I didn’t have communication anymore, we didn’t have a clean and formal break-up so I considered I’m still committed to him ’cause the last time I’m with him I’m sure we’re okay…





lovelife…..

6 01 2009

They say love comes at the right time.,. But when do we say that it’s the right time? How do we know if he’s the right person to love and to be with for the rest of your life?

When I was in my adolescent stage, I seldom think about love or even liking someone. I don’t even had a crush on anyone in school but like other girls, I fantasize my idols in my favorite boybands. Typical doing of a 12-year-old girl, right? But there’s this time that when I was in grade three, Icho, one of my male classmates courted me. I was feeling aloof from boys in that age of mine so I just ignored him even though I really see his efforts I mean his friends’ efforts, is that right? To be honest, that situation took a long time before he gave up. Haha, no hope. Oh no, it’s not because I don’ like him, <well, I don’t wanna lie but I really don’t like him… ^_^). It’s because I’m so serious into my studies that I barely appreciate those kinds of things. After that time, I was never courted again by a guy until I reached my fourth year, <well, I don’t think I’m ugly, haha!!).

Then this next guy I think is the most polite respectful of all guys that came into my life until now <not to mention the richest… =p). Edward is so gentle and I like his attitudes, well, almost. He used to give me many surprises which I think he knows I love surprises. For instance, he was unable to attend my 16th bday celebration because his classes were continuous until night. But he came to our house the day after with lots of food like it’s another party for my bday. Also, he made sure I enjoyed our first date. We watch movie at the cinema, played in the arcade, ate a lot, he was the one who taught me how to play billiards as well, and even bought me gift before we go home. Perfect, right? At Valentine’s Day, he gave me a big stuffed toy and invited me to watch a romantic movie that time. In Christmas, he wanted to surprised me when he went to our house, sadly I was out with my sisters and only mom was home. I came home but he wasn’t there already but what was the surprised? He left me a huge teddy bear which is about half my size that made it so cuddly. And there’s also this day that he asked me out to eat. I was wondering when he gave me a small cheese muffin and he’s so insistent for me to eat it. I told him I’m still full and asked him to eat it instead. But he’s kind of trying it hard for me and begging me to even just give it one bite. I’m so shy that I didn’t agree. So, he gave it a bite up to the middle of the bread to my astonishment that there was a silver ring inside it. Just then I realized the idea. So sweet of him, right? Sadly, I lost it when we were once at a mall not sure where I had left it, <actually, the ring did not any of my fingers). But right before we graduated in high school, he again gave me another ring, he said it was a replacement for the one I had lost, <sorry… =’c). So, with a guy like that, wouldn’t you feel his true feelings for you? He respects you for who you are and attentively listens to you everytime you talk. I almost fall in love with him within more than a year that he’s courting me. Yes, almost…

Why? This was what had happened… We enrolled in college in diferent schools. Nope, it’s not the distance that matter for he still faithfully courted me. The thing is that he started acting like he owns me. I became annoyed of his attitude. I’m not sure f it sort of being overprotective but I think it’s not. He wanted me to tell him every detail that’s happening to me. I mean, hello? I think I deserve my privacy. I don’t feel being respected anymore. And because of that, my feelings for him started to fade away. Until the day I confessed to him about what I think what we have that time and find for words to tell him to stop his feeling grow more for me without him being hurt. Right. Of course, nobody’s not gonna feel hurt for that. I know he felt the pain but me as well. And I think that would be fair if I let him go and not keep him hoping that we’ll end up together. I know it’s not right but I pity him that time I saw his face and telling me to give him another chance and he’ll wait for me no matter how long it takes for me to make a decision. At first, I thought what I did was a mistake. Later then I realized I’ve made the right decision. For him to feel free and unobliged of taking care of me. But no worries, we remained friends….





true love…is it?…

5 01 2009

Love is strong….only if it’s true…
Can anyone tell me how to know if the love you have right now is true?.. I mean, let’s be honest to ourselves… No matter how you deal with this thing, you cannot deny and avoid this one precious time in your life where you’re gonna be in a serious relationship which you’ll absolutely care for… The person you want to be with everytime as if you don’t want to lose sight of him/her… Stranger at first but as time passes by you can’t help but think of him/her… What’s she/or he is doing? Who’s with him/her at this moment? Has he/she eaten already? The only thing that’s missing is that you spy him/her with a camera if you’ll not be with her everytime… And if you’re with your very special loved one, every second counts… Never let any moment not be memorable for both of you… But inspite of those things, what if destiny puts your love into a test?.. Trials can never be avoided… It will definitely come to you no matter how long you have been together or how far you’ve come.,. What matters most is how strong your trust, loyalty and most of all, love for each other for these will be the things you’ll use to protect your relationship from playful destiny…..